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My Toes Are Out To Get Me!
By Sarah "Dixie" Feldman
My toes are out to get me!
They really have it in,
I don't know why they hate me so
Those rogues beneath my shins!
They look innocent enough
Angelic, and petite
But those little wily wigglers
Are scheming down there at my feet!
They're up to no good, I tell you
Take Monday, for example:
They made me tie my laces wrong,
And that's only just one sample.
On Tuesday, it was raining
And once again they got the better,
Though my toes stayed dry in galoshes
I just got wetter and wetter!
And what trouble I got in Wednesday!
(I kicked my sister and called her a name.)
Though those footy foes made me do it,
Just guess who got ALL the blame?
On Thursday I broke Mommy's lamp
And boyohboy did she ever scold!
Wonder how Mommy knew I did it?
Those stinkers on my feet tattle-told!
And how Daddy hollered Friday
When I turned back all the clocks.
But I was just acting on instructions
From those little saboteurs in socks!
On Saturday, my archenemies
Had another plot up their sleeve,
Those teeny meanies had me catch cold.
AND they don't "Gesundheit!" when I sneeze!
Now you'd think they'd be good on Sunday,
And just for one day leave me alone.
But my toes made sure I ate beets at dinner;
I tell you, they're bad to the bone!
Yes, all week long they torture me,
Getting me into this jam, or that scrape.
They follow me every place I go —
From one's toes there's NO escape!
So, if it seems like I've done wrong
Sometime when we may meet,
Remember that it's not my fault...
It's those fiends at the end of my feet!